If we ever needed you, Lord it's now...

I write this my last day as a "Stepper." It's extremely bittersweet. How do I take everything I have learned and experienced and put it into my "normal" and "every day" life? How do I move on? I am so excited to see my family, my friends, my home--but at the same time I dread to leave my team, who have become some of my dearest friends, with whom I've been through so much and learned so much with. They are the only ones, besides God, who will really know what I have experienced and been through... they've shared all those memories, they've learned all those lessons with me.

Today in the car as I was praying I was overwhelmed with the fact that there are so many unhappy, hurting, lost people out there--literally right outside my window as I traveled through the Bronx, NY. You would think growing up in a Christian home, I would have had some heart for that. No, not ever. Not that I haven't cared, but I haven't cared enough to be active about it, or to even be upset about it.

I'm so afraid to lose that. That would be the worst.

So how do I maintain it?

This is my question, and the only answer I have is that I know, I know I cannot do it on my own. So I have to be in constant prayer and communication with the One, the one who can help me with all that. Thank goodness I have a big God. :)

And I ask you all for your prayers--and lots of them. I'll need it. I know I need it.

I know this seems like such a depressing last update. I don't mean for it to be. It's a serious one, yes. But really, I am so excited to start this next chapter in my life, but it IS slightly scary, especially with all this adjusting I have to do.

But tomorrow I get to see my family for the first time in 6 months, and also some very dear friends. And I am oh-so excited. Being away has made me appreciate and value my relationships so much more.

Thanks to you all, so so much. I wouldn't have made it through without your prayers. Thanks for traveling with me and supporting me during this amazing time in my life. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

And so this is me, signing off. This journey is almost to a close, but it turned out to be the key to unlock several new adventures I think.

Les quiero mucho, por siempre!

-Evi

Something worth losing EVERYTHING for...

And so I have arrived in the United States.

It's strange, I haven't done much culture shock yet, besides always having to think twice before putting the toilet paper in the toilet instead of the trashcan. I think New York is a good transition, because we are still minorities. It will be a bigger shock when we go to our little mostly-Caucasian towns. New York is only 30% Caucasian, and especially the Bronx has a large Hispanic population. So we make ourselves feel at home by reminiscing about Honduras and listening to our favorite Spanish songs, Christian and secular.

Right now we are going through Anita Keggy's JoyShop ministries "21 day Challange" through the book of John. We just started and so just finished day 2 in our personal devotions. It's really neat to be able to do our personal devotions and then just talk about the different things we got out of the same chapter. Along with our devotions, we are reading the book "Radical," by David Platt. I'm not super far, but so far it's been really intense. Today's reading for my devotion was John 2, when Jesus overturns the tables in the temple. Melanie and I were talking about it while we visited World Vision, just how Jesus was kind of a maniac! I never realized it before, but he made a whip! That's pretty insane. He was so "radical." And he calls us to be radical, completely insane. He asks a lot to follow him, he says we will be homeless, he says we can't bury our parents or say goodbye to our families, we have to give everything we have away, and take up our cross, this torture weapon, and THEN we can follow him. He wasn't exactly looking for popularity.

Jesus calls us to be completely insane and radical, but in exchange for this we have the treasure. David Platt illustrates this by kind of retelling the story of the pearl in the field. I love the picture he paints, so I'm going to copy the passage here:

"Imagine walking in a field and stumbling upon a treasure that is more valuable than anything else you could work for or find in this life. It is more valuable than all your have now or will have in the future.

You look around and notice that no one else realizes the treasure is here, so you cover it up quickly and walk away, pretending you haven't seen anything. You go into town and begin to sell off all your possessions to have enough money to buy that field. The world thinks you're crazy. "What are you thinking?" you friends and family ask you.

You tell them, "I'm buying that field over there."

They look at you in disbelief. "That's a ridiculous investment," they say. "Why are you giving away everything you have?"

You respond, "I have a hunch," and you smile to yourself as you walk away.

You smile because you know. You know that in the end you are not really giving away anything at all. Instead you are gaining. Yes, you are abandoning everything you have, but you are also gaining more than you could have in any other way. So with joy--with joy!--you sell it all, you abandon it all. Why? Because you have found something worth losing everything else for.

This is the picture of Jesus in the gospel. He is something--someone--worth losing everything for. And if we walk away from the Jesus of the gospel, we walk away from eternal riches."

-Radical, by David Platt, pgs. 17-18

I'm working on being willing to lose everything for the treasure ahead of me...and for the treasure of the relationship I can have with such a radical God right now.

-Evi

Blessed-Bendito

Well, I write this in the Tegucigalpa airport, as we wait to board our American Airline flight to Miami. Saying goodbye has been hard, and even now I really don’t want to go. I knew it would be difficult, but I couldn’t fathom the emotions that are running through me. I have another family here, and to leave them breaks my heart. As I watch the people walk through the gate as they arrive in Honduras, I wish we could switch places with them.
This is life, always meeting and saying goodbye, beginning and ending, stopping and starting, loving and leaving. As my host mom, Angelica, would say “Asi es la vida..” To be honest, it sucks. So bad. It’s easy to say “Yeah, I’m not doing this. It hurts too much.” I know I’ve said that several times over the past two weeks especially...but then I think of my time here, I think of the blessings. I think of the enrichment. It doesn’t make me less sad, less angry, but it does make me realize that this wasn’t in vain. I have REAL relationships here, and real experiences that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I’ve been stretched and molded, ripped and sewn, broken and rebuilt. And I’m stronger, and weaker, and gentler, and more confidant. I think of every blessing and it overwhelms me. The love I have received here, the lessons learned...they are something that no one can ever take away from me.
And I am blessed. So blessed. I can’t describe it. God has given me so much here. Yeah, I bought some souvenirs at Valle de Angeles, but that’s not what I’m bringing back. I’m coming back full to the brim with God’s blessings, Honduran style!
I am going to miss, and already do miss, everyone here so much...
But I’m about to board, so I’ve got to run. I love you all...be blessed!

-Evi