"...but the time has come for us to reclaim our bodies."

I feel like I've been talking about this a lot, but I think it's just so important.
I am girl, I talk with girls on a daily basis, and one thing that always sticks out is this: no one is satisfied with themselves.

     Whether it's weight, looks, smarts, personality--we always know where we're lacking(or where we think we are). No matter what someone says, we'll have a deflection. Sometimes it comes to the point of the inability to take compliments because we simply cannot not see value in ourselves. I'm guilty of this, and sometimes I'll give a weak "I know I have strong points, but.." and deep down I can't think of the strong points, or if I do, I don't feel like they're valued, so they don't matter. There's always someone smarter, prettier, nicer.

      This is so damaging, and it's come to a point where even other people's opinions don't matter--if you tell me different than what I see, I don't believe. It's a sickness, a distorted point of view. True victory over this plague has to come from within us, ladies. Only when we search deep at what is truly valuable, at what we were created for, and for whose glory we were created for will we be able to break the chains and take off the blindfolds.

     I'm going to share this song, which I have on several other social media sites, but it rings with so much truth I just have to, and it applies so perfectly. Again, I will say it is explicit. And rightly so. I believe every word it perfectly placed to make the impact more intense.

love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet 
and brother, arm wrapping shoulders, and remember, 
this is important: 
you are worth more than who you fuck 
you are worth more than a waistline 
you are worth more than any naked body could proclaim 
in the shadows, more than a man’s whim 
or your father’s mistake 
you are no less valuable as a size 16, than a size 4 
you are no less valuable as a 32A than a 36C, 
your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood; 
wisdom 
you are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out: 
reborn

I love Spring Work-your-little-rear-end-off!

So my Spring Break is not so breakish. However, although this descanso is not as filled with hanging with friends and sleeping in as I would like, I'm still enjoying family time and different opportunities to do new things.

Today I got to join Abby and Josiah at the after-school program they run with another girl, Meghan, at Chambersburg middle school. I spent the entire afternoon with squirrely middle-schoolers, and gave them quite a shock when they realized I could understand all the Spanish they had been speaking half-way through the day. It was really so much fun and had me reminiscing about Micah Project--really, squirrely teens are my absolute favorite (I realize I am talking like a wise old woman--but really it's because I do remember so clearly how a lot of them are feeling and just what it's like to be in that stage in life).

I started off my Spring Break, however, in typical spring break fashion, with some sort of trip. Together with all the sibs, yes all 6 of us, the little munchkin Mercy included, and my good friend Carmen, who is a German student studying at MU and living at MIH right now, I got to enjoy the weekend in Gettysburg, staying in a "rustic" cabin. I use quotations because it was pretty much the perfect way to "rough it" this time of year--aka make sure you have somewhere warm to sleep. So the quarters of the cabin were tight, but it was warm. We had a lot of fun exploring around Devil's Den area and cooking all our meals over the fire and playing card games.

Carmen and I enjoying the fire and some s'mores

The whole crew!

Our makeshift hot-dog grill

Unfortunately now it's been back to the grind-stone--reading, reading, more reading, flash-cards, essay writing, more reading, more flash-cards, research, more reading...

Ayy carrumba.

"Thank you, and I'm sorry"

I'm reviving an old post that I had on Facebook a while ago. It is somewhat connected to my "Fight Hunger" post as well. This post is lyrics, by a Canadian-Korean rapper named Tablo. He is a lyrical genius actually, and these are the translated lyrics to his song 출처 (Trace).

A cup of coffee, it comes from poverty
The small hands that should reach out for dreams while holding a paper plane or a pencil
Are actually filled with coffee-flavored sweat, Handdrip
Thank you, little barista
I say this reality hurts my heart
But I need caffeine so go ahead and add another shot
It’s a circulatory system of an evil cycle
My consumption is a leech
A person’s poverty becomes another person’s luxury
The people who made the shoes that I wear far away
Probably are barefoot at the moment
Even the warmth that wraps my body
Its origin is a pit full of blood and bones as well
To make myself look like I’ve got some
It makes people who have nothing shed tears
Everyone says it’s better not to know
It’s because awareness became a sickness in this world

Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty? Tell me
Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty?
Represent where you’re from

All of a sudden gasoline became holy water
And wars that are greedy of energy sources
Chemistry, a brighter problem than the blood diamond
But it’s more of a trivial problem than gas price
Because cars bring people to work
For a child who walks, someone crawl in the battlefield

The origin is fear, and in the aftermath system
We dig the ground and raise a flag, which is crooked
But I need technology
Please build me one more factory please
To me, it doesn’t matter if the roots, trees and forests rot
If only there’s an apple on the branch, then it’s holy garden
To get ahead of the game, steps are made but the cliff is right behind
Everyone says time is the remedy
It’s because the present time is a sickness in this world

Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty? Tell me
Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty?
Represent where you’re from

To all the people who are uncomfortable because I’m comfortable
Thank you and I’m sorry
To all the people who are breathless because I breathe
Thank you and I’m sorry
To all the people who collapsed because I’m standing
Thank you and I’m sorry
To all the origin people of this world
Thank you, thank you

Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty? Tell me
Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty?
Represent where you’re from

Origin, Represent where you’re from

This is in Korean, but I'd encourage you to listen to it while reading the English lyrics.

Open your mouth, Evi

Today God gave me a pinch on the arm and a full stomach.

  Lately I've had a bit of thinking time (I actually think this is because I can't find my ipod charger, and so I haven't been listening to music as I go to sleep, so I just think myself to sleep). 

  So I've been addressing a lot of things about myself, and my goals and my calling, and my role in the kingdom, and the role of women (especially in light of International Women's Day) in the body of Christ, etc etc. This is a lot of thinking and very overwhelming, but not a lot of doing, or even seeking answers for questions and confusions that have arisen as a result of all this thinking. I'll think of something and I have no answer and haven't really worked through the issue and it's just stressful.

   Last night was a time when the stress showed itself, when after a lovely day, I thought about something, was at a loss for its answer, and became sullen about it. It was late, but I decided to find out if Madelyn was going to church in the morning, because I thought maybe I should go and get rejuvenated.

  Pause here to let you know what a lazy bum I've been this semester. My corporate worship time had been around 0 this semester. I think I've gone to 2 services. I have no excuse except for laziness. I tell myself it's because I have homework, but I don't end up starting it until I would've been home anyways. Last semester I made Tuesdays my time, and it was great. This semester I usually can't get to the Tuesday one for lack of a ride, but there is never lacking a ride Sunday. I'm just lame.

Play. So I found out she was going, but, oh dear, at that ridiculous hour of 7:30 am. Truthfully, taking that and the fact that we were losing an hour of sleep, I was super close to not going. But something(Someone) said "You bum. You can take a nap later. You function fine on 5 hours of sleep." This was all truth, so I set my alarm for 6:30. I did get up, and felt refreshed, and had delicious P.G Tips and Raisin Bran with Bananas for breakfast. Nom nom.

  So I went with Madelyn to her Sunday school class, which is with a bunch of older ladies. And my older I mean we are the youngest by at least 20 or 30 years. And lo and behold it was a Global Impact Sunday! A missionary lady spoke about her and her family's work in Quebec (they had been missionaries also in France for around 30 years I think), and about the role women are taking in the world today, especially in the church in my generation, and it was fantastic. Missions is my heart music. Sometimes I forget that. So I was blessed by that, took a nice bite of it, and realized that some of my questions were being answered. 

 The main service speaker was George Murray, chancellor of Columbia International University. What a speaker. Let me start with his sermon title: "Is Jesus Christ Really the Only Way of Salvation?" Bam. Whaaat. Yeah. So, it turns out He is. He talked in depth about how because of who Christ is, that is, GOD, and what He did, which is, DIE on the cross for the sins of the WHOLE WORLD, that only He can provide salvation for the WHOLE world, and that being because He is God. How He exchanged himself (1) for ALL. That He paid the FULL penalty of death, 

• that of Physical death--separation of the spirit from the body; when the soldiers went to break His legs, there was no need, He was already dead. 
• That of Spiritual death--separation of the spirit from God; as He cried out "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?" there was a clear separation there. 
• And that of Eternal death--the eternal separation of body and spirit from God forever; this is a bit more complex, but because of the character of Jesus, as God, everything He does is eternal, because He is the great I AM, the Lamb slain from the beginning of time, He transcends time. 

 

 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

 Colossians 1:17

"Jesus Christ is-is, is-was, and is-will be."

Man o' days. Was I ever fed. Full to the brim. Stuffed. And this is what God said to me:

 "Evi, look at all this food I have for you, all these answers, all this Truth. I'm here, with bowls and bowls and casseroles to feed you, but you just won't open your mouth you silly girl! I won't pry it open for you, I won't force-feed you, because you'd probably choke or spit it back up. But stop complaining that you're hungry if you won't even open your mouth to eat."

Several big things that had been bothering me, that had been heavy or confusing, were lifted and answered today, simply by one morning of me saying "okay, Lord, feed me!"

"Fight Hunger."

Today is Tuesday, one of two "rest days" during my week, which I skillfully scheduled in to have scotch free to do home-work/procrastinate on. I get to wake up really early and go to my U.S-Latin American relations class and then come home and take a nap, and still wake up before a lot of people in the house.

 So I woke up from my nap, came downstairs, and, not having eaten breakfast yet, looked to the coffee pot. Empty. So sad, but just a minor setback. 

As I started filling up the coffee pot, it struck me how easy it was. Here was a sink, literally right beside the coffee maker, with clean water to just pour out of it any time I wanted. But there's more, to the left of that faucet, there's a hot water spout--yes, a spout that pours out boiling water, with no wait, a joy to tea lovers everywhere. And then to the right, a water and ice machine. It pours out cold water, with or without ice, with simply the touch of a button.

 I walk into the kitchen, and there's a nifty contraption that allows me to lift a lever and out comes milk! Skim or 2 percent, whichever I prefer. I'm beginning to see a pattern here, and I walk over to the area I've set up to do homework for the day, and see my Millersville University Nalgene sitting there, full of pure, clean water, with a sticker that says "Fight Hunger" blaring in my face.

Oh.

Okay. 

Let me finish my cup of coffee first.

Onward!

Time for some more thoughts.

So recently I've been getting some "time to sort out your priorities" signs from God. Some small, some big. I've been kind of unmotivated and definitely unfocused, on anything, really.
It's been hard, cause it's been a lot of letting go or at least putting things really dear to me in God's hands, like relationships.
I kind of love relationships. Of any kind, actually. Human interaction is my favorite. I like to protect them and keep them close to my heart, just right in my pocket. If I misplace them, I look around frantically for them until they're found again and safe, and if they aren't found I'm likely to mourn them, and once the mourning period is over, I will continue to reminisce.
But God likes relationships too, even more than me. In fact, a lot more. And He is so much better at maintaining and perfecting them than I am. No matter how good a friend I try to be or am, He will surpass me. It's through Him that I can even begin to interact in a positive way with others.
So why do I try and hoard my relationships and control them, rather than trusting Him to keep them safe?
So I'm trying to do that. Some days it's great, a lot of days it's hard.

Priorities. I've been doubting and trying to figure out what those are lately. Some days I'm really convinced that I should just hop on a plane back to Honduras, or anywhere. I often feel like I'm wasting time, that if only I could just get moving. And then I have to constantly remind myself that in order to do my best, wherever I'm headed, education won't hinder me. Perfecting my Spanish, learning more about languages and the way humans create and speak them, understanding the Latin culture of Central and South America--all these are going to be foundations for what I have ahead of me.
This past week I was really unmotivated (I had a Spanish exam to prepare for, and I just had no want to even try). and I had a dream last night, all about Honduras. And I don't know why, but it was just a solidification for me of what I'm working towards. It was a major motivation, and I woke up and studied like a beast for my exam. Also, for all wondering, I felt pretty confidant about my exam, but I have no idea what kind of grader my professor is, so we'll see

So I'm moving, upward towards Him, and onward towards my goals and the rest.

Just a photo reminder of the kind of awesomeness I'm working toward...:)